Ang Beer o Si Dear?

Tough Choice huh? But a man got to do what he ought to do. Read on and let's drink to that! 

Touch Choice: Ang Beer o si Dear? (Mga lalaking beer na beer at ang mga asawa nilang galit sa beer) is published/ posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles Buhay Pinoy Channel

Somewhere in Cubao, at about ‘alak singko’, a trio of minimum daily wage workers hurriedly left their respective workplaces only to meet up again in their favorite videoke joint. Since today is payday, they ordered two buckets of ice-cold beer and sizzling sisig. On an ordinary day, two or three bottles of beer with matching all-time favorite ‘pulutan’  which is peanuts would suffice.

By 8 pm, their missuses have sent several text messages asking them of their whereabouts and if they’ll be eating dinner at home. The first guy replied ‘Ma, nagkayayaan e. Ano pala gusto mong pasalubong?’ to the question: ‘Asan ka na?’ The other guy, rushed out of bar, called his wife, let her hear the honking of vehicles and clatter of the pedestrians and say: ‘mukhang matratraffic ako, inom lang ako ng kaunti dito sa tindahan habang naghihintay…’ The third guy obliviously or even consciously ignores the wife’s text messages and emphatically sings ‘Beer’ popularized by the Itchyworms:

Ibuhos na ang beer
Sa aking lalamunan
Upang malunod na ang
Puso kong na hihirapan
Bawat patak anong sarap
Ano ba talagang mas gusto
Ang beer na ito
O ang pag-ibig mo

By 12 pm, the three friends transform into Jejemons as they keep asking themselves: ‘lAshIng KAh nuah B@h?’ (lasing ka na ba?) to which they answer in unison: ‘iZha pahng rOunD!’ (isa pang round!). After a few minutes, reality sets in and they suddenly remember that their birthdays fall on the 30^th of November and are bona fide members of the Sansui Takusa and Tigasin Club (referring to ‘Sang sutsot uwi, Takot sa Asawa and Tiga-saing, Tiga-sinop, Tiga-salok etc’.). Oh, the tale of the angry mad fuming woman with curlers on her hair, ‘tsin tsan tsu’ on her face, rolling pin in one hand and a mouth that can beat Fran Capo is not a myth! They shall feel the wrath of the wife who hates beer and the several B’s that oftentimes come with it (beer-belly, barkada, bisyo, basag-ulo, and even babae).

Beer is the ‘jack of all trades’ if not the ‘mother of all’ drinks. Sorry Bantay, it is beer that is really man’s best friend. Joel, my ‘kumpare’ who passed away last year used to say without fail: ‘I’ll drink my dinner’ (referring to an ice cold beer). Even the late National Artist for Literature Nick Joaquin’s penchant for beer is famous and legendary. It has been said that he usually found his muse in writing after downing several bottles of beer. He once had a column titled ‘Small Beer’ at the Philippine Daily Inquirer. For laborers and construction workers, it is the one drink after work that is, to borrow a brand of beer’s ad tagline; ‘panghagod sa pagod’ (one that eases the weariness). It is an energy drink for men who do not have the guts to express their feelings. With a bottle or more, men are transformed into poet laureates and a range of connoisseurs - foodies, political pundits, religious scholars, prophets of doom, and village idiots. It brings out one’s hidden eloquence and loquaciousness. It is a great social icebreaker. Some of the closest friendships started with a ‘tagay’. Sports enthusiasts love beer a lot. According to an article, it is said that beer and sports go together like the Scottish and sheep. Man is inseparable with his beer. Our village’s Pilosopo Tasyo who coincidentally is the sitio’s drunkard intimated to me that drinking beer is synonymous to his ‘pagkalalake.’ He cites the quintessential beer song: ‘Sa langit wala ang Beer that’s why we drink it here’ as his raison d'être.

Beer is also considered a health drink if drank in moderation. It contains 0mg of cholesterol, 0g of fat, 13g of carbohydrate, 25mg of sodium protein, calcium, potassium, phosphorus and vitamins B, B2, and B6. A quote from one of the U.S. founding fathers and lightning rod discoverer Benjamin Franklin says, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Would you believe that even saints loved Beer? Actually there are several patron saints of Beer: St. Arnold of Soissons, St. Arnulf of Metz and Saint Amand. I asked my facebook friends why they loved drinking beer and their answers were: ‘kasi nakapagpapakalma, nakapagpapainit, nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob, at nakapagpapatulog’, ‘it ignites my senses’ and ‘pampaganda din ng buhay- when you drink beer, everything else is beautiful.’ Beer is so famous and in demand that in the Philippines, San Miguel Corporation has built a food, beverage and packaging empire through its flagship product, San Miguel Beer (one of the largest selling beers and among the top 10 beer brands in the world).

I dare you to tell these to the wifey though. Wives definitely hate that ‘amoy Chico’ which their hubbies distinctly stink of after a drinking spree. It is as if alcohol reeks from every crevice of the body especially the mouth. The drunken husband who goes home at the wee hours of the morning becomes naughty, ‘makulit’ and would continuously bug the hell out of the poor sleepy wife. Some crawl or tiptoe his way into the house depending on the intoxication level. Worse, some men who could not put the beer in their stomach and instead put it in their head. They may suddenly turn loco, buoyed by that ‘macho’ feeling (enhanced perhaps by the alcohol) and end up fighting over petty things. Such reasons include ‘kanina pa masama ang tingin’, ‘hindi kursunada ang asta’ and ‘masyadong mayabang.’ Of course, the wife would be worried with all the accidents and trouble (and even death) that could arise from excessive beer drinking. Who wouldn’t be apprehensive when you have the following tabloid headlines: ‘3 hinihinalang lasing naubusan ng swerte, 1 patay sa aksidente, Senglot na naghamon ng away utas, Dalagita niluray ng 5 lasing?’ Or worst, some wives become victims of domestic violence because of beer or the excess of it.

Admittedly, beer and women in general do not jive well. To quote Kaiser Welhelm: “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. To bridge the divide, tell your wife that Women created Beer instead of enumerating to her 45 Reasons Why Beer is Better than Women. Remind her that beer promotes romance and is good for male potency. These are two of the 14 Reasons Why You Should Drink Beer.

Heaven for a beer drinker is to have both his beer and his wife in harmony. To have her cook his favorite ‘pulutan’ and let him enjoy the ice cold beer while he hogs the remote control minus the nagging is marital bliss. In Pangasinan they say ‘Agay lay samit na bilay!’ (How sweet is this life!) Too much wishful thinking? Or maybe I had one too many beers while writing this article? Kampai! Let’s just drink to that!

  

Photo: by Simon Francis Blaise R. Vistro